tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-45342637891868513562024-03-12T19:13:25.412-07:00LostwithoutanameKymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.comBlogger50125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-49602197916705816022019-05-08T09:53:00.002-07:002019-05-08T09:53:59.736-07:00Counselling <span style="font-size: large;">I was officially discharged from counselling last week. She said she couldn't really see where else she could go with me. I have made progress since I first saw her. I don't feel like I want to end my life as much as I did back at the end of the year/Beginning of this year.. She's also helped me with my anxiety a hell of a lot. It's been tough, I found leaving the house hard. And that was with others, I just didn't feel safe. Even the bus journey and travelling to counselling was tough. But I enjoyed the time by myself and it helped me learn that if something bad is going to happen I cannot do anything to stop it. I just need to learn to deal with the here and now. I am hoping that I won't ever need to go back to it, But I know that if I do need to then I can just self refer myself back. But to be told that someone is proud of how far you have come then it feels bloody good. I didn't realise how well I had done and also how quick the sessions had gone, My therapist was so lovely and we got on really well. I am kind of sad that time is over but now it is time to start living and start to become a better version of me. </span>Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-78297031719031702442019-04-04T09:01:00.000-07:002019-04-04T09:01:32.463-07:00My Trichotillomania<h3 style="text-align: center;">
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I don't know if it is anxiety based or not. But I am determined not to let this ruin my life and stop me doing what I want to do. I have counselling next week and I am going to speak to her and see if she has any ideas or tips and advice. I have beaten my self harm once I am going to bloody beat this again. I don't really have any reason to be sad, But I guess that is the thing with Mental Health and depression and Anxiety disorders, Sometimes you don't need a reason. It can catch you off guard and turn your world upside down. And it can go as quickly as it goes. It's all a journey and I know it won't ever leave me, It's just learning to take the rough with the smooth and ride it out. </span></div>
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Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-82726683027366969732019-02-07T08:55:00.002-08:002019-02-07T08:55:43.657-08:00Anxiety update <br />
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">I posted a while back about how my anxiety affects me. I thought I would do a little update. I now have been diagnosed as having moderate to severe anxiety and depression. It affects me every single day. I thought on this post I would update more the symptoms I have had. It is inspired by a post I saw Zoella do. I know anxiety is different for everyone. But this is how it affects me and the ways I have learnt to cope with it.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">I struggle with what people think of me, This effects me the most and I always think the worst and that people are always thinking the worst of me. And I never ever feel good enough. This can make work hard because I am always worried about doing something wrong. That little thought is always at the back of my head, Even if I am being told that I am doing OK and that I am doing a good job I am always waiting for that one person to tell me that I am not doing a good enough job or making the best effort i can be making. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large; font-weight: normal;">I find this also effects me when I am out. I always think the worst is going to happen, I will get in a crash or fall over and make an idiot of me. I also have a big fear of travelling on public transport even though I do have to use the bus as I don't drive. I have found though that music and my headphones go everywhere with me and I do manage to calm myself as long as I can see where I am going. I also don't like being too far from home. But I am determined this year to not let that beat me as I miss out on so much and I have so many things I want to do. I love travelling once I am settled and I know where I am going. I have friends that I want to visit around the country. I also love going to the theatre and musicals and concerts. I have a trip planned for April so I won't let the travelling and being away from home stop me going to see a band I love. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I am really shy if I don't know people. I used to talk to anyone but now I would rather be in the corner away and by myself. I find approaching people difficult. It might seem that I am rude and offish but I am not. It is the anxiety, I am OK if people approach me first, And if I know you. Social anxiety is horrible, but I am not going to let it stop me living my life. Not everyone is talking about me and not everyone cares about how you look or what you are doing or the way you dress. It is 2019 and I am almost 35 I won't let it ruin my life anymore. I am going to walk with my head held high, Even if inside my head is screaming at me to run away. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I also find that eating in public is a struggle. Actually when my anxiety is really bad I find eating is a struggle full stop. If I am really anxious I feel really sick and then I don't feel like eating anything. Which in the long run isn't going to make me feel any better. But I am having small meals and I just eat when I want. I am getting better eating out. I am OK if I am with people I know. But eating in places on my own still makes me really anxious and panicky. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #e06666; font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">I have learnt that anxiety has two types, Hypothetical and practical. Hypothetical means that it's something you cannot do anything about e.g going on holiday and the plane crashing. That isn't something you can do anything about. Practical means that a solution can be found, E.g Going for coffee with a friend and you don't have enough money. The solution can be that you borrow money from someone and then you can pay them back or that maybe this time your friend pays and you pay the next time. I am working on this at the moment and I have to find and plan the solutions for my worries which I write down in my worry diary. For me it is to plan and get some feedback on my job and how well I am doing. I love having homework because it keeps my mind busy and it also gives me something to focus on and work towards. </span></div>
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Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-37517691377442732032019-02-04T07:40:00.000-08:002019-02-04T07:40:41.989-08:00Little update<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Hey. Just a little update to what has been going on. I started counselling on Jan 22nd, It's a pain having to travel to it(1 hour each way) but I feel comfortable with her, She seems really nice and I feel like I can talk to her. I've had some homework to do, I have to write a worry diary. I see her again on Weds and it will be every two weeks. I have managed to fit them in around my work hours which helps. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>I have also lost a dear friend suddenly, She died of a heart attack in January. She was 57, and I shall miss her a lot. She meant a lot to me and she taught me a lot in the 7 and a half years I worked with her. I couldn't face the funeral but I've donated to the charity she wanted to donate too. </i></span>Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-74291283594412697472018-12-30T05:38:00.001-08:002019-01-02T09:16:04.399-08:00One year almost over and a new year just around the corner.<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Well 2018 is almost over. And good riddance I think. It has been a really rubbish year for me and the family. We have lost people close to us and had a lot of health scares. The only good thing to come out of 2018 for us as a family is my beautiful baby Nephew. He always makes me feel better and he is such a happy baby that you cannot feel anything but love and happiness when he is around. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">The last few months of 2018 have been really really stressful. I never thought that this year would end up being the way it has. With my mum being in hospital and all the problems she's had with her heart has been scary. It was horrible having the one person who has always been so strong and held everyone else together be so vulnerable and poorly really shook me up and I think it is going to take me a long time to get over that night and the trauma it caused. But my mum being my mum has been so strong and it is inspiring really how well she is coping with everything. I love her a lot and she will always be my rock. And she always makes me feel better when I am struggling and not doing so great. It is also times like this when you realise how much people matter. My mum's work mates have been amazing and I am lucky enough to work with them too and we have defiantly got a lot closer now. And I also want to say how amazing the NHS are and the work they do. My mum received nothing but amazing care when she was in hospital and we are always eternally grateful. I also got amazing care when I myself ended up in A&E recently. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Anyways looking forward to the new year and I have some goals lined up. My main one is to lose weight and get into better shape. I don't want to be a fat bridesmaid when my sister gets married and I also don't want to be the fat girl on the plane. I also need to get over my fear of flying as my sister is thinking of getting married abroad. I don't want to miss her wedding because I am so scared to fly. I know I will probably be fine but I still am really anxious about it all. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I also want to make more of this blog and put more effort into it because I have not used it as well as I had planned and I want it to be somewhere I can just write down everything I am feeling and maybe use it to help others. I've always wanted that to be the main reason for my blog. To help others. I start counselling in Jan and I hope to maybe learn some new coping methods and also learn some advice etc so I may share my counselling and therapy journey on here. I will need an output anyways and I think blogging is going to be my way of doing it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">I also want to make more out of my photography and maybe start adding some of my photography here. I feel like I am wasting it just by keeping them on twitter and instagram. I might start taking photos when I go to my counselling sessions and then use them in the posts I have mentioned above. Because photography is one thing I really love and I do enjoy it and I find sometimes it helps me to when I am feeling a bit stressed and a bit anxious. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #a64d79; font-size: large;">What plans do you have for 2019? Any goals you want to achieve? Let me know in the comments below. </span><br />
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<br />Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-60595811674041030412018-12-06T14:15:00.001-08:002019-01-02T09:13:56.870-08:00Update on an update<span style="font-size: large;">Hey! It is an update on an update, Because some things have happened since. I didn't see the original counselling company I was supposed to see, I couldn't afford the price they wanted each week. It would of cost me £80 a month for half an hour every week. So I am now seeing a free one starting in January. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">My GP didn't go well, she basically told me to find a hobby and get some exercise. And my medications won't be upped or changed. So I guess it is all down to me now. I need to try fight it all myself. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am 35 in March and I am determined to feel better by then, I have 90 odd days to loose weight and start to feel better physically and mentally. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">So that's all really that I have to update. I am struggling still and I cannot wait for a break from work, I have 10 days left to work. I love my job but I need a break. I am super tired. I cannot wait to have some time with family. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-75999032785336551592018-11-20T12:36:00.003-08:002018-11-20T12:38:15.864-08:00A little update<span style="font-size: large;">It's been a while since I last posted. So I thought I would do an update. It is not a positive one though as things are not great. I am having a really tough time. It's been a bit of a rough few weeks with my mum being rushed to hospital and then my mental health taking a battering. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have been to see someone and I have things happening and in place to get myself back to how I used to be. I think I may have some sort of PTSD but I obviously have not had it diagnosed. I am finding falling asleep hard and then that leads to me being really tired. And I have no energy at all. I just want to spend every day all day asleep. I am also not eating great and I have lost a stone in weight since my mum got rushed to hospital. I know I need to lose weight and I am happy but it isn't the right way of doing it. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am back into counselling and have my first appointment on Thursday with the same ones I saw about three years ago. Sadly not the same therapist but I am OK with it. I know it is what I need to do. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">It's times like this though that really help you find who is a friend and who isn't. I have had some lovely support and also some not so great support but it's fine. The ones who didn't care have gone. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I shall update you all again in a week or so and let you know how counselling went and what has been said. I see my doctor next week as well and my medication may be upped. It's all gone wrong since a doctor changed my dose to 15mg from 30mg without consulting my doctor. </span></div>
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Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-78687270429650542382018-11-01T13:13:00.002-07:002018-11-01T13:15:51.806-07:00Battle(A poem)<div style="text-align: center;">
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>I say goodnight and turn off the lights</i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>Hoping the demons don’t come out to play</i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>I close my eyes to sleep but the voices in my head scream no</i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>It’s like I’m running from the evil</i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>But it’s dark and I fall down </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>I’m screaming so loud </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>But it’s just a silent whisper </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>It’s a battle I keep trying to win</i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>But my sword won’t protect me </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>My shield slips and it’s a stab in my back</i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>While the pain rushes out my chest </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>And the screams turn deadly silent </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>That nightmare I’m living </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>Where I’m stuck and alone</i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>While everyone around me keeps running further away </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>It’s a chaotic mess that needs cleaning </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>But you can’t find the end or beginning </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>So that pile keeps on building </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>And the ache just keeps on hurting</i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>It’s like a story with no happy ending </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>Just a messed up little fairytale </i></span></b></div>
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<b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;"><i>But the princess doesn’t meet her prince</i></span></b></div>
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<i><b><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: medium;">And the tears don’t stop falling</span></b><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: xx-small;"> </span></i></div>
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Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-23790435008651477942018-10-25T05:03:00.000-07:002018-10-25T05:03:11.559-07:00In Music We Trust <span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Today's blog post is about an amazing guy I follow on twitter who is doing a fabulous thing for mental health by using his love for music and also having depression to raise money for @MindCharity by running his own clothing company and donating 50% of profit made on any sale to @MindCharity. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I came across Aiden Hatfield and In Music We Trust a couple of years ago when my own mental health was not fantastic. We got chatting and I watched a couple of his live streams and I then ordered some wristbands from his site. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I still follow Aiden now and he always knows how to brighten someones day with his twitter. And I want to order some more clothing items from IMWT when I have some more money. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Anyways here is some more information about the charity and website and where you can find Aiden and the other info you may need. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.inmusicwetrust.co.uk/" target="_blank"><b><i>IMWTCLOTHING </i></b></a> Here is the link to Aiden's website and where you can find out a little bit more and also order from the website and help donate 50% towards Mind Charity and help others in need of Mental Health support and advice. They currently have a promotion on where you can get a free Tote Bag on orders over £30. They stock everything from Tote bags to T shirts and everything in between.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Aiden's twitter is <i>@AidenHatfield</i> here he does a weekly livestream that you can tune into and he chats about mental health and depression and sometimes plays guitar. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>@Imwtclothing </i>is the twitter for the website, Come check it out and tag yourselves in photos of you wearing the clothing. Aiden loves to see people wearing the apparel.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsQNnu8YUfD2DqTztL94-z_WaonielERB6MxiCMd3pyGuNIZTdITF_27UJVt1eUe-yYQV7ufuTAzoz7rUMudJiKEQvF52GT_0NlAViXWdX_5il-PF8QXuxpqeFyk56wA9rOLSE1S7NHFMM/s1600/sdcsd.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="545" data-original-width="786" height="221" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEgsQNnu8YUfD2DqTztL94-z_WaonielERB6MxiCMd3pyGuNIZTdITF_27UJVt1eUe-yYQV7ufuTAzoz7rUMudJiKEQvF52GT_0NlAViXWdX_5il-PF8QXuxpqeFyk56wA9rOLSE1S7NHFMM/s320/sdcsd.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhRPF38cIldpO1YPhWX8ZIouUStKZriDv1sIlBcTO8YW9X1SPJ6rRH4kQ-P7WN1pH7eow3HFa6fCEb40Pq05NP3LgvIelPI9pgZNY0ohhSpukG_UkYW-Z7jlMu7zkVEcu3gGj3RZ00RGQ4/s1600/Untitled.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif;"><img border="0" data-original-height="554" data-original-width="792" height="223" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjhRPF38cIldpO1YPhWX8ZIouUStKZriDv1sIlBcTO8YW9X1SPJ6rRH4kQ-P7WN1pH7eow3HFa6fCEb40Pq05NP3LgvIelPI9pgZNY0ohhSpukG_UkYW-Z7jlMu7zkVEcu3gGj3RZ00RGQ4/s320/Untitled.png" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Here are just a couple of photos of the items you can order. I love my wristbands and wear them all the time. And I am hopefully going to order the t shirt above when I have the spare money as I love it. And I am all for the fact that 50% gets donated to Mind Charity as I have used them in the past for advice and help with my own mental health. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-37778329257627482672018-10-21T04:22:00.001-07:002018-10-21T04:22:59.159-07:00Dear Family and friends <span style="font-size: x-large;"><i>This post is a letter to everyone that knows me, It is what I want people to know about my mental health.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Dear family friends and everyone in between </span><br />
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<i><span style="font-size: large;">This is a letter to you. To the ones who have known me forever, the ones who have not known me very long and everyone else in between. I have depression and anxiety. I have had it since 2008. And this is everything I want you to know, The good and the bad sides. </span></i><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Firstly I want you to know is that even though I have these conditions it does not make me MENTAL or contagious. It just means my brain works different to yours. I am not dangerous or a risk to anyone other than myself. I am not crazy, Just a bit different. I won't harm you or cause you any pain or injury. So don't treat me like I will. The worst thing you can do is cut me off. I have anxiety already and making yourself distant can really upset me and I have lost so called friends over this before. Also I can sometimes be difficult but this is part of the problems I have so be patient with me and it will all be OK in the future.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I can be emotional and clingy. But that is because I am scared I will loose you. If you mean a lot to me I can become attached easily and I hate the feeling of those close to me becoming distant. I also don't like when friends cancel on me. Because then I feel like it is my fault and something I have done wrong. And then spend the rest of the day beating myself up over it. Also I don't like being treated like dirt and lied to either. I have been there, And also don't like being lead along. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>The anxiety side means I worry over every single thing. And recently it has stopped me doing stuff. It really annoys me when people say I have nothing to worry about. I do, I have every single thing that could happen to worry about. I need to plan before I do stuff and when things don't go to plan I panic. I've written a post before about how my anxiety affects me. Recently it is over travelling and going to places on my own. I want people to know how hard it is. Social anxiety is hard, And I have panic attacks. I need to be close to home where I feel safe. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>When I'm having a really down time, I sometimes find it hard to do stuff, Like getting dressed, But it does not mean I am lazy. It just means I don't have the motivation or energy to do it. Please don't call me lazy because that hurts me and makes me feel worse. I also feel bad when you comment on how long I spend in bed. Sometimes that for me is where I feel safe. And sometimes I just need my own space and the peace and quiet. So if I am in my room just leave me be. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>It is hard having depression, people sometimes think I do it for attention. I don't. Having this is the last thing I wish for anyone. It is horrible. Why would I do it for attention? I have anxiety, Attention is the last thing I want. So please think before you speak.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>I also find it hard having conversations, and approaching people. I am always worrying about what they will say or think about me. So if I don't come and make conversation with you, don't think I am being rude. I'm not </i></span>Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-90499777405579999462018-08-21T05:53:00.000-07:002018-08-21T05:53:49.438-07:00Anxiety and how I cope with it. <span style="font-size: large;">This post is about my anxiety and how I cope with it and things I use to calm myself down. And also a bit about how my Anxiety shows itself. Recently it has been quite bad and I thought I would do an up to date post on it and how I use techniques to calm myself down and what helps me and what doesn't help.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have really bad anxiety when I am travelling. Be it on a bus or car or train. I always have to have my music with me wherever I go. I always make sure my battery is charged on my phone and I have play lists made on Spotify and iTunes that help me when I am really anxious. I find that I relax more if I listen to a certain type of music. The ones I love the most are musical theatre and classical crossover. My favourite artists to listen to are Rhydian, Collabro, G4 and Jason Manford's musical album. I find if I listen to anything more upbeat it can make my anxiety worse. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I also have music that helps when I cannot sleep. I have one favourite and that is ocean sounds. I like the sound of the waves crashing over stones, It calms me right down and I like to think about being on a beach. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Things I like to do when I am anxious and need to have some me time is editing photos. I also love photography, I have found recently that sunset photos are my favourite thing to photograph. I will insert some of my recent photos I have taken below. It was beautiful and I didn't want it to go dark, I could of sat there for hours. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I also have three dogs and they help me when I am feeling really down and anxious. I love taking photos of them too. I shall insert some photos below I have taken. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">My anxiety is usually brought on by me feeling really panicky and I get really hot. I also don't like being around people. I start feeling really sick and dizzy and usually get a really bad stomach ache. I also find that I need to lay down and sleep it off. The worst one is the feeling of everyone looking at me and laughing at me, I used to get this really bad in my old job, Especially when I was eating. I didn't like anyone being near me or sitting with me when I was eating. I also find when I am really anxious I go really quiet. But my main thing which has started recently is I have to wash my hands three times. Which wasn't helping my skin and it made my hands really sore. </span></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">I also don't like things to happen out of the blue, I need to know plans and stuff before it is going to happen. I like to know what is happening and stuff so I can plan what I need and what I want to take and if I will be in any situations I won't like. I am rubbish at theme parks as I don't like the rides so I am always bag holder. I don't like not being in control and the speed and everything makes my anxiety so bad that I forget to breathe which is never a good thing. I also don't like really big crowds. I get super panicky and it has stopped me going to London anymore since the terror attacks. I used to go to London on my own without any worries. But that is one place I won't go to anymore. I have missed out on so much good stuff due to my travel anxieties. I am determined to not let it beat me though because I have some big trips planned for this year and next year and I have so much I want to do still. </span></div>
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Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-66939926742756210352018-07-07T14:12:00.000-07:002018-07-07T14:13:57.272-07:00My own sexuality <span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"><img alt="lgbt pride month 2017 evolve" class="attachment-full size-full wp-post-image" height="212" sizes="(max-width: 600px) 100vw, 600px" src="https://evolverinc.com/wp-content/uploads/2017/06/lgbt-pride-month-2017-evolve.jpg" width="320" /><br />Hey! As it is Pride month. I thought I would do a post about my own Sexuality. I don't really see myself as being under labels. I love people for who they are. I have dated men and women. Though my best relationships were with women and I feel different kissing a women feels right. </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I don't feel as if I need a label to define who I am. I also love Pride and everything it stands for. I am going to be attending my 2nd pride this year. I cannot wait it has such an amazing feeling and atmosphere. It is one day where you can be comfortable being yourself. </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My first proper relationship where I felt comfortable and it felt right was with my ex girlfriend. It just felt right, Holding her hand in public and kissing her in public felt right. I always felt really awkward with my ex boyfriend. I don't know if it was because he wasn't comfortable with it. But I have experienced homophobic abuse, Once on a bus me and my girlfriend at the time got on and the man behind us made a comment about my girlfriend being a man. I told him no she's a women and my girlfriend, But it should not of been that way. I guess for the older generations it isn't something that they can always feel comfortable around.</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I never ever came out at my old job and I never really feel comfortable telling my boss or workmates either unless it is mentioned. I am not ashamed of who I am but I don't really know what to class myself as. My old work friend said Agender but I don't know. I love a person for who they are, not for there gender. </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">My family know that I have dated both and I am really lucky that they are supportive. It is actually really nice and I know not everyone is so lucky.</span><br />
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<br />Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-23668889135180988502018-06-28T13:35:00.000-07:002018-07-07T14:16:41.256-07:00Grief and my experiences<h3 class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-size: large;"><i>Grief<span style="display: inline; float: none; font-family: "arial" , sans-serif; font-variant: normal; letter-spacing: normal; text-align: left; text-decoration: none; text-indent: 0px; text-transform: none; white-space: normal; word-spacing: 0px;"> is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. </span></i></span></h3>
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Today's post is all about Grief. And the experiences I have had with it. Not an easy subject to talk about for me right now as I am struggling with accepting a friend's death. But I feel that the only way I can accept it is to blog and share how I feel with you all. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>I have lost a few really special people to me in my life. I think my first proper loss was when a school friend passed away when she was 13. Her sister was in my year and in my friendship group and it affected us all really hard. I think though back then I didn't really know what death was. Or how I was supposed to feel. I remember not going to her funeral because I was too scared to say goodbye and I didn't want to remember her like that. I remember my best friend at the time went and she came back so upset she had to go home. I didn't want that to happen. I wanted to remember her as she was when she was alive.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>The next death I remember happened when I was 18 and I lost my granddad to cancer. I got the call at college to say he was dying and I just remember feeling the biggest feeling of being numb and just wanting the world to stop. I saw him the night before he died so I did get to say goodbye, And the funeral was horrible I remember crying loads. And just feeling like life was so unfair, and that it was very final. I still got really upset seeing his grave for many years afterwards. Death is so final. But I am spiritual and I know it is never ever goodbye. We will see each other again one day when the time comes.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>The next death affected me a lot different and I struggled with it for a really long time. My cousin died when she was 31. From cancer again. Her death hit me really hard as I saw her the day before she passed away. She died from complications from the cancer. Completely unexpected. A heart attack due to fluid around her heart. I think the fact she had a year old daughter also really hurt me too. I found her death so hard that I had to have time off work and stay with a friend so I could have a break and just be away from everything. It was so hard. Also it was my first cremation and I never ever want to go to another one of those. The minute the curtains opened and her coffin went into those curtains I cried harder than I ever cried before. I think this death was when my depression got really bad. I couldn't accept that she was gone. But I remember the day we cremated her that the sun shone and it was really hot and I got a sun tan. I think that was her looking down on us all. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>Then the next big death was my sister in law's mum again from cancer. Another funeral where I cried the whole way through the service. But she really was an incredible lady and her death hit us all so so hard. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><i>My friend Paul's death was really hard too. I still cannot accept it now and I don't know if I ever will. He was not expected to die. Healthy and a pharmacist It was so unexpected. I knew he had a chest infection but I never ever expected him to die from Sepsis. I never got to say goodbye to him, and we were really close friends. I still struggle to accept he has gone now and it will be two years in November. I got really depressed around the time he died. I miss him so much. I miss his caring side and when he tried teaching me Chinese. He really was an amazing man I do sometimes feel him around me. Especially when I get signs. I will see him again one day. I like to think he is beside me looking out for me and beside me every day. </i></span><br />
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Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-73220716891754065662018-06-24T14:55:00.000-07:002018-07-07T14:17:59.691-07:00How my anxiety affects me. <div>
<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I have social and generalised anxiety. I worry about everything! Social anxiety is my worst one, I really struggle with this. Recently it has stopped me going to stuff and doing stuff that I have really wanted to do. I find if I am going alone, I usually end up not doing it or not going. But I have decided that I cannot let it beat me. So I have booked two events, One this year and means travelling on my own. And one next year which also means travelling. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I am going to post how it affects me and signs and symptoms I get. I really struggle sometimes and people don't always understand. I think that they just think I am being awkward and difficult but I am really not. I just want to run away and hide. It is not easy having social anxiety and it makes me sometimes apparently appear rude and obnoxious. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">First way it affects me is I go really quiet. And I get really hot and sweaty. I am on medication that is supposed to stop this, Then I get the chest pains which sometimes can be really painful and palpitations. Then I get the thoughts that something is going to go wrong or happen. I find this always happens when I am going to gigs, or events. I get myself so worked up that I usually want to cancel. Recently that happened to me when I was going to a concert and I came so close to cancelling. I actually had a panic attack in my room before. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Another thing I struggle with is eating in public and in front of people I don't know. I used to really struggle with this in my canteen at my old work. We used to eat with management and the other people working there, I used to sit with my headphones in and try sit on my own far away from other people. I know sometimes it looks like I am being difficult with this but I get major panicky and I really struggle, I don't know if this stems from secondary school where I would have food thrown at me. Usually it is only me that this affects as I don't really go out with people I am not comfortable around. And my friends are used to it now, I am also super clumsy too and drop food down myself a lot. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I also have another thing that I get where if I am really anxious I find myself having to wash my hands three or four times in a row. It made my skin really bad recently and I had to tell people it was because I was using hand gel too much. Another thing is I have to check and double check myself. This is more if I am travelling. I have to check my route and I have to double check times etc. I don't like delays or things being late or having to change plans. So when my train is delayed it really gets me panicky and worked up and it does stop me travelling sometimes. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Also when I am away I always get super homesick and I hate being away from home so much. I always worry something is going to happen when I am away and I don't have anyone that can help. I found this to be the case recently when I ended up getting injured on a train journey. I couldn't find any staff to get first aid from. And I ended up with a swollen hand and being in a lot of pain, and it ruined the evening I was going too because I was in pain and I just wanted to be home with my mum and to be safe. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I also don't like being home alone. I have to lock the doors especially at night. It is a little bit better now we have the dogs and they bark at even the slightest noise(but that then makes me really jumpy). </span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I also HATE using the telephone at all. I really struggle with making phone calls to anyone that is not family. It makes me feel really sick and my heart beats 1000 times a minute. I also don't answer phone calls unless I know who it is. It makes ringing for doctor appointments really difficult. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Which leads me to another thing that I struggle with and that is waiting rooms and seeing a doctor. Luckily I have my Doctor I see now and she is brilliant, but if I have to see anyone else I really get panicky. I have had the same doctor for a few years now and we have a good doctor patient relationship and she understands me and I always make sure I try get an appointment with her every single time because she listens and gives me the time to explain. But if I am struggling I make sure I write down what is bothering me. </span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">And my last one is I always have to have my headphones with me if I am alone or going out on my own. My therapist always laughed because I would have my music on. I find my love of musical theatre especially helps with calming my anxieties down when I am travelling. I also don't like the supermarkets. They give me huge anxiety especially if I get separated from my mum and dad. I get proper anxiety over it. I think that stems from when I got lost in our town when I was 4 years old.</span></div>
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<span style="color: #990000; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Does anyone have any good tips for anxiety? </span></div>
Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-75475288169260208512018-06-23T11:15:00.002-07:002018-07-07T14:18:58.671-07:00The media and the effect it has on body image these days <span style="color: #741b47; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">Today's post is all about body image and how the media gives the wrong ideas to teenage girls. I hate buying the magazines these days, they always seem to have the latest diet fad advertised, And they always focus on celebrities and the size they are. Are they too skinny or too fat. As a plus size girl that struggles with her body and has been in the past picked on because of her size I find it difficult to read some days. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I also have had experience of how eating disorders can wreck someone's life. These days teenagers have enough to deal with, pressure to be perfect, get perfect grades and fit in that they don't need body image to have to cope with as well. I also think that by not using plus size models is so wrong too because not everyone is a size 10 and it should be shown that you can be plus sized and beautiful.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I find programmes like Love Island and Towie also do not help. It is girls with skinny bodies showing off there toned perfect stomach in a bikini. And the men have perfect toned, tanned muscle clad bodies and they don't have contestants with plus size bodies because it does not look good for the show.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> I also find Slimming world and weight watchers can be hard too. I tried slimming world and I gave it up because I didn't like the fact my weight loss was announced to a group of people I don't really know. It knocked my confidence and I struggled so bad with my anxiety. I am going to start doing it again but at home where the only person who would know my weight loss or gain is me and my mum.</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;"> I think that also having pop stars who do interviews about there weight loss on TV gives off the wrong ideas too. Lots of teenage girls and young women/men watch it especially shows like Lorraine and This Morning. I don't want the fact you have to be "thin" to be pushed in my face and that you have to look a certain way to be "Perfect"</span><br />
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<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: "verdana" , sans-serif;">I love that brands like Simply be use Plus size girls. And it makes me feel a little bit better, especially if they have stretch marks and cellulite on show, It does help me think that my body is OK and I don't have to be skinny and a size 10.</span><br />
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Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-12278515276576941332018-06-20T13:05:00.004-07:002018-06-20T13:05:43.040-07:00Let the haters hate!I receive hate like everyone else probably does on line. Usually it does not bother me. But due to my anxiety and depression, Sometimes it does get to me, I received some the other day from a grown adult male. And it got to me. I was told to go and put a mask on because I was ugly. And at the moment I am struggling with my body issues. And his comment got to me. Along with already feeling pretty rubbish anyway it really got me down. But today it's a new day and I just have to accept that he probably has his own insecurities. And he couldn't even have a profile photo, so he is a troll.<br />
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I need to learn to just let stupid comments go and just laugh them off. Like Jessie J sings "Let the haters hate" they have there own sad lives and problems and probably don't have a job. So spend the day and night sending hate to others to try and make themselves feel better.<br />
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<br />Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-59292640933283970292018-06-18T13:42:00.003-07:002018-07-07T14:20:24.128-07:00My IBS and food allergies <span style="color: purple; font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;">Today's post is a little different. Alongside my depression and anxiety. I also suffer with IBS and stomach problems. I have to be really careful what I eat, As I can get flare up's within an hour of eating. It is difficult in my new job as we are allowed food at the end of the dinnertime and I always feel really bad turning food down but I cannot risk eating something that will make me ill. The pain is awful and I get really bloated and have really bad diarrhoea. </span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I am on codeine for it and Buscopan. But sometimes that is not enough and I also take probiotics. The pain is so bad some days I just want to curl into a ball. I find a hot water bottle or heat pad helps too. </span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
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<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The main things I cannot have are Oats, Onions, White bread, Coffee, Spicy foods. I miss eating porridge(GF one is not as nice) I really miss ready brek(Wish they would do a GF version it might taste better than Free from porridge). I also miss flapjack and I miss eating normal pizza. I don't like gluten free pizza bases they taste like cardboard. Also why is Gluten free food so expensive? It is crazy money. I cannot afford to go completely Gluten free so I just have the porridge and also either Soya Milk or Lactose free milk.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I also really like drinking peppermint tea as I find that helps me too. It helps if I get acid reflux too, it helps with the sickness feeling. And bloating, some days I look pregnant. </span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I also have to be so careful when I go to eat at restaurants. But yesterday I found a place near me that does the best Gluten free Pizza. So I am going to be going there again. It was yummy. Pizza hut and Mcdonald's are two places I cannot eat at. It isn't worth the pain or how ill it makes me. </span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I love making gluten free bread in my bread maker though. It is harder to make than normal bread but still tastes yummy.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">We have tummy problems on my dad's side of the family. Me and my brother and my dad struggle with stuff we eat. My uncle also has chrons disease and has been really poorly recently. </span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you want more information on Ibs and other stomach disorders then please click the links below.</span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://www.nhs.uk/conditions/irritable-bowel-syndrome-ibs/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: #351c75;">NHS-UK</span></span></a></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://patient.info/health/irritable-bowel-syndrome-leaflet" target="_blank"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Patient Info </span></a></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="color: purple;"><span style="font-family: "helvetica neue" , "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-size: large;"><span style="color: #351c75; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span>
<a href="https://www.theibsnetwork.org/" target="_blank"><span style="font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">https://www.theibsnetwork.org/</span></a></span></span></span></span></span>Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-85899233658606019922018-06-16T12:20:00.003-07:002018-06-16T12:20:56.597-07:00Fresh air always helps me feel better<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Today's post is all about one of my new favourite places to go when I feel a bit rubbish. I only discovered it on Tuesday. But it has become one of my favourite places in Cornwall. </i></span><br />
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6YOah5DcVJHHPatSIVutfOcyHRNQ9rlPgICGQHbjcz_N4-4AbC46y50EEhKd4pxfmbN1eaR1lSj3aNYVADij2f1jOEVC8xu1B8KGBTFV6rPEYXss81I4qhCbKYs2nPUKiyYTt0HJsy96N/s1600/DSCN3464.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><i><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj6YOah5DcVJHHPatSIVutfOcyHRNQ9rlPgICGQHbjcz_N4-4AbC46y50EEhKd4pxfmbN1eaR1lSj3aNYVADij2f1jOEVC8xu1B8KGBTFV6rPEYXss81I4qhCbKYs2nPUKiyYTt0HJsy96N/s320/DSCN3464.jpg" width="320" /></i></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpE5n2XaL6-ARWoZqeDae8hyv0tB8T-f0baTaAOUabuKZIepcWEDgT9seP2t1fDorOJW6bu50KIdkDEW6ECaAfb9Mu-hXiOODxuN0iZsMr2pT3lBWmWySs1d-2GqYz7ANksPDpfSKXDRu-/s1600/DSCN3476.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><i><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjpE5n2XaL6-ARWoZqeDae8hyv0tB8T-f0baTaAOUabuKZIepcWEDgT9seP2t1fDorOJW6bu50KIdkDEW6ECaAfb9Mu-hXiOODxuN0iZsMr2pT3lBWmWySs1d-2GqYz7ANksPDpfSKXDRu-/s320/DSCN3476.jpg" width="320" /></i></a></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv8J7J1UvIDF7VL_5moqQQHVGhKAgTTlmBEJPi6J0XwFWFUdX4XTcywgI1bFwKElQCPiiPezi8MI-54NFlzt1bPJNIL6eqKFAnC_vmrteYW082K0_8jiFY91CU6cT9_Y8ncSJznrh7BG_F/s1600/DSCN3450.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhv8J7J1UvIDF7VL_5moqQQHVGhKAgTTlmBEJPi6J0XwFWFUdX4XTcywgI1bFwKElQCPiiPezi8MI-54NFlzt1bPJNIL6eqKFAnC_vmrteYW082K0_8jiFY91CU6cT9_Y8ncSJznrh7BG_F/s320/DSCN3450.jpg" width="320" /></a>(My best friend, this will always be a favourite photo)</i></span></div>
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<span style="color: #0b5394; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Basically last Sunday/Monday was a bit of a let down mentally for me. I was hugely delayed on my journey and it just ruined the whole weekend for me. And I got to my accommodation and it was horrible. So I ended up having a massive panic attack before I got to the venue for the show I was going too and I just wanted to run away. Let's just say I could not wait to go home. And the journey back on the Monday was not much better. But my best friend picked me up on Tuesday evening and took me too West Pentire in Newquay Cornwall. We went to see the Poppy fields. And watch the sunset. I love poppies and I took my camera along. So I am going to share some photos with you that I took, I hope you enjoy them.</i></span><br />
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<br />Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-90081606591811845312018-06-15T10:31:00.003-07:002018-06-15T10:32:15.444-07:00I am back and an explanation and update <span style="color: #741b47; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Hey! long time no see. I feel so bad but my laptop broke and I have not been able to blog, But my lovely sister ordered me a new laptop and it arrived today. So normal service will resume. I hopefully have a guest blog post coming soon. And I do have loads of ideas of new posts I want to put up. I am now going to give my all to this blog. I want to help people and inspire those, And become a proper blogger. I also want to start using my photography skills on here too. </span><br />
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: #741b47; font-family: "georgia" , "times new roman" , serif; font-size: large;">Since I last posted, I have become an Auntie to my nephew Elwin. He is now nearly 3 months old and I adore him! He is such a happy smiley cute chunky monkey. And I have also got a new job. I am now a catering assistant in a primary school. I left Primark at the start of June. I love my new job and it has given me back more time. I also now have my weekends back.</span>Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-53690528501214709002018-01-31T14:56:00.002-08:002018-01-31T14:56:19.778-08:00Left behind<h3>
<span style="font-family: Helvetica Neue, Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Just something I wrote, I am feeling a bit down and left behind by people who claim to be friends. I find writing helps when I don't have any other way of getting out what I feel. It's also another distraction for my self harming.(I am almost 4 months clean). If you like this let me know and I will post more up as I do them. Thanks for reading.</span></h3>
<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’ve been that girl</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Always picked last</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Never good enough </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Spotlight never on my face</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Told me my dreams won’t come to life</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Coz you don’t deserve the best alright </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Treated like dirt, the blood upon my face </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’ve walked away to save grace</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Always trying to win the race </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Spend hours on her face </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">But the reflections don’t hide the pain </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Coz I’m never gonna be the girl with supermodel status </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"> Just the a warrior with a scar</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Who you belittle from afar </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">I’m Stronger than any of you </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Coz I’ve got a battle I’m fighting too </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Never looks in a mirror coz she’s scared of what she’ll see</span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Hides her scars under her sleeves </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Whilst remembering to breathe </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Coz tonight might be her last </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">This battle she cannot win </span></i></div>
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<i><span style="color: #741b47; font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;">Her army all dead and bleedin </span></i></div>
Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-8350007487653203032018-01-04T12:32:00.001-08:002018-01-04T12:32:26.230-08:00Kati Morton<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixC6JV6n-t7qtWlGvm6gdNd9Cm7SjbowOxojPMro2wpHtIkkAD1fd89B0NkV9fGhHOizytQyDyFnHjjn_hS_8auW6ceenoZj6hNnccc-GRkC3O8d6lk08zfL8A1BtWinqeycOrax7078Rk/s1600/photo.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-size: large;"><img border="0" data-original-height="900" data-original-width="900" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEixC6JV6n-t7qtWlGvm6gdNd9Cm7SjbowOxojPMro2wpHtIkkAD1fd89B0NkV9fGhHOizytQyDyFnHjjn_hS_8auW6ceenoZj6hNnccc-GRkC3O8d6lk08zfL8A1BtWinqeycOrax7078Rk/s320/photo.jpg" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Hey</span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Today's post is all about a Youtube star I have followed for a long time. She's from the USA and has a mental health channel. Kati Morton is a Therapist and posts videos with advice and things to help us with Mental Health conditions. She also does a weekly YouNow where she goes live and does a chat and giveaways. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;"><a href="https://www.youtube.com/user/KatiMorton" target="_blank">Kati Morton's Youtube channel</a></span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Kati also runs a website where you can go and chat to other Kinions. And find links to Kati's video's and advice. <a href="https://www.katimorton.com/" target="_blank">Here is the link to Kati's website</a></span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Kati also has a patreon account which helps her be able to make the videos and the content needed to do videos. Being a Kinion also has benefits, You get entered into giveaways and a raffle. And you also get extra video content and Kati personally answers questions from her patreon members too. And you also get a mention on the videos on youtube. <a href="https://www.patreon.com/katimorton" target="_blank">Kati Morton's Patreon</a> </span><br />
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>
<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">You can also contact Kati on her twitter @Katimorton and over on facebook too under the same name.</span><br />
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Kati cannot always reply to you straight away so if you or someone you know is in crisis please contact the Samaritans or a doctor as soon as possible. </span><br />
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<span style="color: magenta; font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-55305567922461382162017-11-26T13:39:00.000-08:002017-11-26T13:39:00.594-08:00Struggling<span style="font-size: large;">I'm not doing so great. Actually I am doing quite badly, I've got some rubbish stuff going on with family and work is really getting me down.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I also don't know how I can afford Christmas, Everyone is so happy and looking forward to it and I cannot wait for it to be over. It's so expensive and I am struggling to be able to afford it. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I have had those thoughts, Where I would be better if I wasn't here. I have had friends stab me in the back at work, And it means I am being moved off my department. I am looking for a new job after Christmas so I can get out. I have tried to enjoy it but it is making my mental health worse. And the travelling and cost is ridiculous. I don't think I will miss anyone if I leave either. I don't trust anyone that works there anymore. I know that is a bad thing to say but it is the truth.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">I am also getting my urges back to self harm and hurt myself. I just need to feel pain, so I can get my anger out of my system. I also want to sleep for ages, I just want to get home from work and sleep. It's the only thing that stops the feeling of wanting to cry. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">Sorry it is not a happy post. But that is depression, It never goes away.</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-49320696293050687522017-11-16T07:47:00.000-08:002017-11-16T07:47:04.440-08:00My letter to death <br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ0oHnyE7GV1qsmHq4sA0S_suroNviPdrE4XiRqo3ut7s3sta6AyBQ49N9NMIdS7PY89MflNH25RLlJCCQh-O8gAvPunj48kzpDfD4UmIrEk4fVL-hmjb2jM7zNNcUOKyNsRkoKq46jEDf/s1600/tumblr_static_ddl8l8s4t1wswkw4cwg8wk0gg.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="265" data-original-width="1023" height="82" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEhJ0oHnyE7GV1qsmHq4sA0S_suroNviPdrE4XiRqo3ut7s3sta6AyBQ49N9NMIdS7PY89MflNH25RLlJCCQh-O8gAvPunj48kzpDfD4UmIrEk4fVL-hmjb2jM7zNNcUOKyNsRkoKq46jEDf/s320/tumblr_static_ddl8l8s4t1wswkw4cwg8wk0gg.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>Dear Death</i></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Verdana, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i><br /></i></span>
<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>I once wanted you so badly. Thoughts clouded every single minute of my day, I could not get the thought out of my head. I wanted to be with the ones that had left me behind, especially you. The one who I loved and the friend that got me. I tried once, It didn't happen. And I think in a way I am glad it didn't even though at the time I felt so angry and hated myself for it not happening. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>I have so much to live for at the moment. Life is getting better since the dark times I had 2 years ago. I really thought my world had ended and I couldn't find a way out of the big black hole I had fallen down. I felt so stupid and so scared of the future and if I could ever find myself again. It has not been an easy journey, But I suppose that is Mental Health all over. Nothing is ever easy though. We are sent trials to test us. And being able to fight them is part of the journey.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>I have scars and they won't ever fade, But they show the battle I fought and that I am a survivor. I came through the darkest of times and the hardest fight I had to fight. I lost people through the battle but they don't matter and my life is so much better without them. </i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>I am in a better place and I am proud of how far I have come. Sometimes the thoughts come back and I do wonder if maybe one day they won't. But I have learnt how to deal with them now. This blog has helped and I am glad I started it. I have stuff to focus on now, I have to live to be the best Auntie my nephew will have. I have a job I love and friends who couldn't cope if I wasn't around.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>I have to be strong and help others, I want to help make a difference and help those who like me are struggling. It does get better and it gets better today.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Georgia, Times New Roman, serif; font-size: large;"><i>Death I don't want you anymore, I want to live. I want the thoughts to go. I want to live my life to the fullest and the best version of me I can be. Because life's for the living.</i></span><br />
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Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-51476113913990329542017-11-09T11:45:00.002-08:002017-11-09T11:45:59.938-08:00Biggest inspirations<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">This post is more of a cheerful happier post. I want to post about some of the people that inspire me on my mental health journey.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">1. Philippa Hanna. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><a class="ProfileHeaderCard-screennameLink u-linkComplex js-nav" href="https://twitter.com/Philippahanna" style="background: rgb(230, 236, 240); color: #657786; font-weight: bold; outline: 0px; text-decoration-line: none !important;"><span class="username u-dir" dir="ltr" style="direction: ltr !important; unicode-bidi: embed;">@<span class="u-linkComplex-target" style="font-weight: normal; text-decoration-line: underline !important;">Philippahanna</span></span> </a> </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I love this lady to the moon. She has always been a big inspiration to me and she is a beautiful soul inside and out. I have been lucky enough to meet her a couple of times and hear her beautiful songs and music live. Her music is inspired by her battles and journey through life. And her songs and lyrics are what I love. I always listen to Philippa when I feel really down and her music picks me back up.</span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Everyone go follow her. She really is inspirational. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirbbGy-e9123zAhvgbQmCthKPfyfcIhgfpvDvMESSWh6e53fqqZye5LlnvriLP0zI_ofxfvooY3J5ZLmwa1RoCjoaVNAVZIi1bkZrliYZCUih_FmTXy-WOzAOpNamuykSaTzFKxtxAtTB8/s1600/DSCN2196.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEirbbGy-e9123zAhvgbQmCthKPfyfcIhgfpvDvMESSWh6e53fqqZye5LlnvriLP0zI_ofxfvooY3J5ZLmwa1RoCjoaVNAVZIi1bkZrliYZCUih_FmTXy-WOzAOpNamuykSaTzFKxtxAtTB8/s320/DSCN2196.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. Collabro </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I love these boys SO much! They are the most friendliest beautiful talented angels. I have seen them live three times now and they always make me emotional. I love musical theatre. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4ITg-XVJr0RbiD8WrRS0DLvkqR34bn9iZSSyv9xtf6ymBWwnpQPEicqbYUN2tNV8_s7xChr-AQDcAhHPVP8Jg2yscl6X25LYNRIFguSCpuBQgzNvC07pqsJHoY3gbxvPyUf93EoFBAtEU/s1600/DSCN2089.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEg4ITg-XVJr0RbiD8WrRS0DLvkqR34bn9iZSSyv9xtf6ymBWwnpQPEicqbYUN2tNV8_s7xChr-AQDcAhHPVP8Jg2yscl6X25LYNRIFguSCpuBQgzNvC07pqsJHoY3gbxvPyUf93EoFBAtEU/s320/DSCN2089.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-size: large;">3. Josh Curnow</span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;">I have only seen Josh live once but I love him and his music. He also inspires me with his lyrics and the journey he has gone through. Also though I am not religious I find his belief's inspiring too. He is also local to me so I have to support him really. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">4. G4</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I have been a fan of these guys since day 1. Back in the day I followed them around the country. I love them all so much! Seen them so many times and they get better and better. Also really lovely guys too, I love Mike the most(don't tell the others heehe)</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1yF5kOasOc_J_cBoqtJvdZWUBSr3n51slDSwikCdh5Sz2CE0z302E8V4QxANRJmkR-nEX0Dmyc_ZsHK60Zq3GAgXfMy3pGTw-01TxUgVdNq8LWhKtr5uRCPPKbT8KVE6Jr7PEIDcrup8s/s1600/3.png" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="1200" data-original-width="1600" height="240" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEj1yF5kOasOc_J_cBoqtJvdZWUBSr3n51slDSwikCdh5Sz2CE0z302E8V4QxANRJmkR-nEX0Dmyc_ZsHK60Zq3GAgXfMy3pGTw-01TxUgVdNq8LWhKtr5uRCPPKbT8KVE6Jr7PEIDcrup8s/s320/3.png" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">5.Miranda Hart</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">She's funny! And I can relate to her character so much. I always put her dvd's on and I am instantly cheered up.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Plus she sent me a tweet before I got my job, And it helped me apply for the job I am in now.</span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOmvpN28APCGtF4d_V3mtsafpBXME0Ob-AeERAy4i3mnsPODjyRtI9Jv852MOSFclc3AZFnHsqjswtRdFkTBGDgeZHC5q5a_7BTXOr-HwcnGmAkAWy2eASlcm4_YpaDaQ88RTp8BPl_JR8/s1600/1513686_10152250884484555_1020076504_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="960" data-original-width="720" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEiOmvpN28APCGtF4d_V3mtsafpBXME0Ob-AeERAy4i3mnsPODjyRtI9Jv852MOSFclc3AZFnHsqjswtRdFkTBGDgeZHC5q5a_7BTXOr-HwcnGmAkAWy2eASlcm4_YpaDaQ88RTp8BPl_JR8/s320/1513686_10152250884484555_1020076504_n.jpg" width="240" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">6. Heather Peace</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">I love the bones of this lady. She is my biggest inspiration and idol. I love her! She's always so supportive and friendly and gives amazing hugs too. She helped me when I came out and also always has amazing advice. Her music always makes me feel better too. </span><br />
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<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1n3NlW6Jgbcifcw8uh00_NIWani66sK55U66PBwqE_jobEXHz1KEHpd-nK7FaIUhBIA-0pk0pPY0gGbfdkbRMII2kdFT3Rw8YaxZA3rt4-Z_quy2Ik81dXuC8B0rmUF4W1gay46fSB0EC/s1600/1795573_10152815894179555_7012191886524919122_n.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" data-original-height="931" data-original-width="931" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEh1n3NlW6Jgbcifcw8uh00_NIWani66sK55U66PBwqE_jobEXHz1KEHpd-nK7FaIUhBIA-0pk0pPY0gGbfdkbRMII2kdFT3Rw8YaxZA3rt4-Z_quy2Ik81dXuC8B0rmUF4W1gay46fSB0EC/s320/1795573_10152815894179555_7012191886524919122_n.jpg" width="320" /></a></div>
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;">Last of all my biggest inspiration and the most beautiful man I have ever met. Rhydian! I love him SO SO SO much and he is always there for me. His music is like a warm hug and he just blows me away every time I get to see him. I think he is an angel, Seriously he is 1 in a million to me and I love him to the moon and back. Plus he is gorgeous and gives the most incredible hugs. He is like a best friend to me and I know we will always have each other's backs. </span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Trebuchet MS, sans-serif; font-size: large;"><br /></span>Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-4534263789186851356.post-32415304401932281172017-11-09T11:11:00.003-08:002017-11-09T11:15:15.763-08:00How I cope with my anxiety at work<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-size: large;"><i>I work 8 hours a week, It isn't many hours but right now it suits me. Believe me it does not always seem easy, Some days I get so anxious before I go in that I have to countdown by the staff door before I go in. Some days I want to run, and my heart pounds I am surprised people cannot hear it. I also get random anxiety attacks through the day out of no where. I guess it comes from being told in previous jobs that I am not good enough. So I am always worried that I am going to be told that I am not up to the standards asked and sorry we have to get rid of you. Any way apart from my medication I have some tips on what I do to help me calm down and keep my anxiety at bay.</i></span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">1. Breathe! I have learnt some breathing techniques through my mental health journey. And a tip I learnt from my counsellor is to push your heels into the ground, It helps you feel grounded and can help stop a panic attack.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">2. I keep something in my pocket, it can be a pen, just something I can hold or play with when I am feeling anxious. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">3. Drink water, It helps me stop the sick feeling I get and can calm me down too.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">4. Keep busy, I hate being quiet at work because I feel that is the time something will happen that will make my anxiety really bad.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">5. Talk to someone. My friends I work with know what signs to look out for and know when I am feeling rubbish. And they know how to cheer me up too. Also I do feel that having management know that you have anxiety can help, as they can keep an eye on you and help when it is getting a bit tough going.</span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">6. Wear a band. I sometimes keep a hairband or elastic band around my wrist, so I can flick it when I need a distraction method. </span><br />
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<span style="font-size: large;">7. Go take 5 minutes. I usually call it a toilet break, but sometimes it is just for me to go sit on the loo and collect my thoughts and breathe. I also get a drink. I find that sometimes it's all I need is to take myself out of the situation and find somewhere safe and quiet to just breathe. </span><br />
<span style="font-size: large;"><br /></span>Kymmiehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/08663391332551281940noreply@blogger.com0