My letter to death

Dear Death

I once wanted you so badly. Thoughts clouded every single minute of my day, I could not get the thought out of my head. I wanted to be with the ones that had left me behind, especially you. The one who I loved and the friend that got me. I tried once, It didn't happen. And I think in a way I am glad it didn't even though at the time I felt so angry and hated myself for it not happening. 

I have so much to live for at the moment. Life is getting better since the dark times I had 2 years ago. I really thought my world had ended and I couldn't find a way out of the big black hole I had fallen down. I felt so stupid and so scared of the future and if I could ever find myself again. It has not been an easy journey, But I suppose that is Mental Health all over. Nothing is ever easy though. We are sent trials to test us. And being able to fight them is part of the journey.

I have scars and they won't ever fade, But they show the battle I fought and that I am a survivor. I came through the darkest of times and the hardest fight I had to fight. I lost people through the battle but they don't matter and my life is so much better without them. 

I am in a better place and I am proud of how far I have come. Sometimes the thoughts come back and I do wonder if maybe one day they won't. But I have learnt how to deal with them now. This blog has helped and I am glad I started it.  I have stuff to focus on now, I have to live to be the best Auntie my nephew will have. I have a job I love and friends who couldn't cope if I wasn't around.

I have to be strong and help others, I want to help make a difference and help those who like me are struggling. It does get better and it gets better today.

Death I don't want you anymore, I want to live. I want the thoughts to go. I want to live my life to the fullest and the best version of me I can be. Because life's for the living.