Tuesday, 28 February 2017

Dear Bully

Dear Bully

This is the 15 year old girl you called fat. She spent the night crying in her room skipping meals and comparing herself in the mirror. This is the 12 year old boy you called gay, He spent tonight scared of the rumours being spread around school. This is the girl you pushed down the stairs, She spends her nights alone scared when the next beating will come from the man she doesn't know her mum picked up one night.

This is 33 year old me, Bullied from aged 11 the memories still scarred in her brain. Her mental health affected because the memories will never go away. Never feeling comfortable with who she is and how she looks. Because your words cut deep, Into my heart into my head. Spends her night searching for skinny photos wishing she looked like those girls the media portrays because then maybe you might leave me alone. I am sorry your twisted mind thinks Skinny is perfection.

This is me taking a stand. You won't ever know how much your words hurt me because I laugh it off and fake a smile, It does hurt and I wish for one minute you could use the brain you claim to be so clever to stop and take a look around. But no you won't because you think you are clever, but you are not. You are a far from it. 

You think being rude about people's weight or sexuality or gender is clever. Do you never read the news? Do you think it is right a parent burying there children? It should never happen but it does and that's because teenage suicides and eating disorders are on the rise. And it is on the rise because of people like you. People thinking they have every right to bully those who do not fit your image of perfection.

Dear Bully what went so wrong in your life? What if it was your sister brother partner etc being bullied? What would you do then? Go get some help, Do some research because you are obviously hiding your own insecurities.  We do not deserve to feel your pain and your own torture. Would you even care if it was someone you knew in this position?

Sunday, 26 February 2017

Born this way

I am writing this because I feel the media and magazines and reality TV is to blame for Body image and for the bullying and the way people feel about there weight/Sexuality. I know I do look at photos and think I would like to look like her. And it is wrong, When did the law come out that we all have to look a certain way? What made Skinny cool? Everyone is born the way they should be and I think it is about time we take a stand and let people be the people they are.

It's the same with homophobia. We are born loving the people we love. "Love knows no colour or gender. I don't see straight people being bullied for loving a straight person so why is it that Gay/Lesbian/Bisexual etc get bullied for it? It is wrong and something needs to change. It is 2017 and people need to realise it is not right and we need to get with the times and not in the Victorian times. 

Remember.................  "I'm beautiful in my way
'Cause God makes no mistakes
I'm on the right track, baby I was born this way"

Bullying at work

I am being bullied at work...By a boy. He is making comments on my weight and saying I am to blame for being the size I am because I am fat. I really don't know what to do, I love my job but right now he is making it very difficult for me and I don't know what to do. I have body issues anyway and I hate the way I look but I don't need people commenting and laughing at me because I am bigger than what he classes normal.

I tried ignoring it but it hurts, It really really hurts and I just want to be skinny so he leaves me alone. I don't know what his problem with me is I am never anything but nice to him and I don't deserve his bitter twisted words. 

I need advice on what to do. I don't know how to approach it with my managers.

Friday, 24 February 2017

Bullying and my own personal experience

I don't know if anyone saw This Morning yesterday but they had a bit on bullying and Cyber bullying. The two teenagers had committed suicide after being cyber bullied. It's awful and heartbreaking especially as they had younger siblings. I have experienced cyber bullying and bullying at school and work too. So I am posting here to tell my story and also try to give advice to anyone who is going through it themselves.

I was bullied at secondary school so from age 11 to age 16. It was a mixture of boys and girls. I got physically beaten several times, and the verbal was pretty much constant. It got worse when I had braces fitted, Then it really was every single day. I got attacked on the bus home and so called friends would not even make an attempt to help or stand up for me. 

I think that the bullying has lead to my depression and anxiety and I thought that a grown adult would not be capable of it but I was so wrong.

I had a boss at work who I won't name but she made work hell. So much so I got signed off with severe depression and anxiety and ended up having 6 months off from work and medications and counselling. She would tell me I was scruffy and I needed to learn how to use an iron and things like that. 

I want to help people with this blog and I am going to try my hardest to give the right advice and links where people can go and get help if they need it.

Bullying uk


Anti Bullying alliance


These two videos are the videos mentioned above from This Morning. This Morning

Please always remember.............. YOUR WORDS AND ACTIONS HAVE Consequences

Tuesday, 21 February 2017

10 things I do to help me relax

10 things that help when life is a bit hectic and my anxiety rears it's head

I have anxiety and sometimes life can be a little bit hectic and I sometimes don't have time to do the things that make me feel relaxed. So here is a post on what I do and what I find helps.

1. A lush bath.. I pick a bath bomb and I lock myself away and put my relaxing Spotify play list on and have half hour/hour to myself. 

2. Reading.. Sometimes I like to go lay on my bed and read. I find it gives me something to focus on and It helps me feel grounded.

3. Photography.. I got a new camera for Christmas and I love it. I take photos of anything and everything. I also love editing photos too. I have photo shop so I edit most of my photos on there.

4. Shopping.. I love charity shops. And I always like to treat myself when I get paid. I never go crazy but I do buy myself some nice bits. 

5. You tube.. I love watching You tube videos. I am subscribed to loads of accounts and I really love watching Bath bomb reviews I just find them really relaxing. 

6. Sleeping.. Never feel like you are being lazy, It is recommended you take a nap every day between 1-3pm. Use a eye mask and earplugs and Lavender oil to help you drift away and have a nap and some me time.

7. Cooking.. I am not that great at it but I like to make bread. I love taking my stresses out on kneading it and I find it therapeutic.

8. Chatting with friends.. I have friends all over the place so being able to keep in touch with them on social media is fab. 

9. Films.. I have netflix and Amazon Prime so I can always find something to watch or I just find something in my big DVD collection. I love anything medical and my fave to watch at the moment is Nurse Jackie.

10. My Dogs.. I have three, Baxter a Chocolate Springador who loves nothing more than snuggling under a blanket with me, Barkley is a golden Labradoodle who loves cuddles too and our puppy Busby who is my shadow. I love nothing more than taking photos of them and big fluffy cuddles when I feel down.

Friday, 10 February 2017

Seeing a GP for the first time


This post is all about seeing a GP for the first time when you have depression and anxiety. I shall include my experience and also share some advice and what I did.

I first saw my GP in 2008. I was scared and was not really prepared to what I would say. I took my best friend along with me for support and she was great as we worked together so she knew more on the background of what I was going through and how I was. 

I saw a locum the first couple times then I got to see the GP I would stick with until she sadly left, I was put onto Citalopram and had regular appointments. I was more comfortable once I saw my the lovely lady GP I had as we saw each other regular and she got to know how I was doing and we could keep an eye on symptoms etc. 

Having a good GP is important I think. You have to feel comfortable and if you are not ask to see someone else. You will not get the results you want if you are not comfortable with the doctor. Also too if you are not getting answers and feel your being let down say something. I had a doctor diagnose me wrongly over the phone, It turned out I was more ill than he had said, it was not mental health related but still I complained and got to see the amazing doctor I have now and I am so grateful.

Another bit of advice is write everything down that you want to say. Appointments are only 10 minutes long and also sometimes your anxiety and depression can stop you from being able to communicate what is going on. I have done this a couple of times and it helped so much as my doctor was able to read the notes and then ask questions so it made it easier for me to reply and tell her what was going on,

Never feel alone, GP's treat mental health issues every single day and nothing you say will shock them. Never feel your not ill enough either, And never think you are not worthy of support and help. The GP can also help with finding support groups and also have support websites you can use too and self help books. 

So my advice for GP visits are

1. Take someone you trust with you, be it a friend, Parent, guardian etc
2. Write notes down, Including symptoms and things that are worrying you.
3. Make sure you are comfortable with the GP you are seeing, A healthy and good relationship and one you feel comfortable talking with helps so much. And you will get the help and support you need quicker if you can communicate well with the doctor you are seeing.
4. Deep breath, I know for me anxiety in the waiting room is horrible, I take something with me like my phone that can distract me while I am waiting for appointments.
5. Don't be ashamed if you get upset. I have several times and trust me GP's do not think anything less of you for it.
6. And always make sure you give your self a pat on the back and a treat after, Because making the first step towards seeing a doctor is a big step towards recovery. And I am proud of you for doing it.

Wednesday, 8 February 2017

My depression&Anxiety story

Where it all started

This is my own personal depression & Anxiety story. I know not everyone's is the same and I want you to know It does get better. 

I got diagnosed in October 2008, I was 23. Scared and alone, Going through a tough time in my old job and struggling with realising I was a lesbian and not fully accepting it. I finally had 1 day at work where I had a customer be abusive and I cracked and finally admitted I wanted to cut my wrists and jump out the window. A phone call later and my best friend and work mate telling me she would come with me I had my first doctors appointment. I was scared and felt so alone. 
 The appointment came around and me and my best friend went and I must admit I was lucky I had a good doctor, I was put onto my first anti depressant and signed off work for 4 weeks with an appointment a week later. I ended up being signed off for 6 months and counselling and more appointments and sleeping tablets. 

I am still on medication now and almost 33, I think this illness will never leave me. I must admit I have more good days now than bad but the anxiety is always there. I also don't think that will ever leave me. I just learn to deal with it, I had a great therapist who helped me learn breathing techniques and I have medication that helps me too. 

I am holding down a job albeit 8 hours but at the moment I don't think I can handle anymore, I am physically drained by Sunday evening and It takes me a few days to feel up to doing anything. I still have the best friend who came with me to the appointment, I would never of gone if she had not come along. She also did most of the talking as I got emotional. I owe her the world, She really is an incredible person.

So if you feel you are struggling please please please find a friend and make a GP appointment, I know it is scary but honestly once the first bit is out the way they can help you. I have included some links too and places you can get advice. And also some of my favourite Youtubers who focus on Mental Health issues.

Text: 86463
0300 123 3393

Hello and Welcome


Well I finally did it, after wanting to start a blog for so Long, I finally bit the bullet and started one. I will blog about Lifestyle and Mental Health, Maybe along side some gig reviews and my photography. My blog is named after a song I can relate too by one of my idols Alex Parks, She is also local and someone I look up too and have had the pleasure of meeting several times. I also think I am a girl lost sometimes and the name is fitting.

For those of you who don't know me I am Kim, I live in Cornwall and I am a keen photographer and love nothing more than a good gig. I also have depression and anxiety. 

Come follow me on my journey.