Dear Depression

A letter from the heart of a girl who is struggling

Dear Depression.

It's me. The girl you keep making feel like shit. The girl who cries herself to sleep night after night. The one who has marks of anger and pain etched into her delicate fragile skin. Cheeks tear stained, mascara running down her face. I am the girl you make feel that she is never ever good enough for anything. The girl who's biggest fear is rejection. And the girl who is afraid of dying alone. I am the girl who worries daily about the smallest of things. The girl who's mind works overtime trying to fight daily to be "OK". The one who never feels loved and is afraid she won't ever meet the one. 

The girl who relies on pills to make her broken head work and to be able to sleep so she can be strong enough to fight the battle again the next day. To stop the nightmares and the bad dreams that keep her awake.

The girl who cannot look at her reflection in a mirror in fear of what she will see. The one who years of bullying etched in her mind, never ever leaving her no matter how hard she tries to forget.

You wear me out Depression. It's a constant battle of trying to stay strong and faking a smile. My chest feeling like a weight is sitting on it. Like my heart is beating so fast it cannot keep up, Scared one day it might stop altogether. Always there in the back of my mind, niggling away. It's a pain that never goes. 

Just for one day, One day it would let me feel OK, Where I didn't have to be strong, I could just be me.............But maybe this is me, and I am being the best I can be.