Dear Family and friends

This post is a letter to everyone that knows me, It is what I want people to know about my mental health.


Dear family friends and everyone in between 

This is a letter to you. To the ones who have known me forever, the ones who have not known me very long and everyone else in between. I have depression and anxiety. I have had it since 2008. And this is everything I want you to know, The good and the bad sides. 

Firstly I want you to know is that even though I have these conditions it does not make me MENTAL or contagious. It just means my brain works different to yours. I am not dangerous or a risk to anyone other than myself. I am not crazy, Just a bit different. I won't harm you or cause you any pain or injury. So don't treat me like I will. The worst thing you can do is cut me off. I have anxiety already and making yourself distant can really upset me and I have lost so called friends over this before. Also I can sometimes be difficult but this is part of the problems I have so be patient with me and it will all be OK in the future.

I can be emotional and clingy. But that is because I am scared I will loose you. If you mean a lot to me I can become attached easily and I hate the feeling of those close to me becoming distant. I also don't like when friends cancel on me. Because then I feel like it is my fault and something I have done wrong. And then spend the rest of the day beating myself up over it. Also I don't like being treated like dirt and lied to either. I have been there, And also don't like being lead along. 

The anxiety side means I worry over every single thing. And recently it has stopped me doing stuff. It really annoys me when people say I have nothing to worry about. I do, I have every single thing that could happen to worry about. I need to plan before I do stuff and when things don't go to plan I panic. I've written a post before about how my anxiety affects me. Recently it is over travelling and going to places on my own.  I want people to know how hard it is. Social anxiety is hard, And I have panic attacks. I need to be close to home where I feel safe. 

When I'm having a really down time, I sometimes find it hard to do stuff, Like getting dressed, But it does not mean I am lazy. It just means I don't have the motivation or energy to do it. Please don't call me lazy because that hurts me and makes me feel worse. I also feel bad when you comment on how long I spend in bed. Sometimes that for me is where I feel safe. And sometimes I just need my own space and the peace and quiet. So if I am in my room just leave me be. 

It is hard having depression, people sometimes think I do it for attention. I don't. Having this is the last thing I wish for anyone. It is horrible. Why would I do it for attention? I have anxiety, Attention is the last thing I want. So please think before you speak.

I also find it hard having conversations, and approaching people. I am always worrying about what they will say or think about me. So if I don't come and make conversation with you, don't think I am being rude. I'm not