Dear Family and friends

This post is a letter to everyone that knows me, It is what I want people to know about my mental health.


Dear family friends and everyone in between 

This is a letter to you. To the ones who have known me forever, the ones who have not known me very long and everyone else in between. I have depression and anxiety. I have had it since 2008. And this is everything I want you to know, The good and the bad sides. 

Firstly I want you to know is that even though I have these conditions it does not make me MENTAL or contagious. It just means my brain works different to yours. I am not dangerous or a risk to anyone other than myself. I am not crazy, Just a bit different. I won't harm you or cause you any pain or injury. So don't treat me like I will. The worst thing you can do is cut me off. I have anxiety already and making yourself distant can really upset me and I have lost so called friends over this before. Also I can sometimes be difficult but this is part of the problems I have so be patient with me and it will all be OK in the future.

I can be emotional and clingy. But that is because I am scared I will loose you. If you mean a lot to me I can become attached easily and I hate the feeling of those close to me becoming distant. I also don't like when friends cancel on me. Because then I feel like it is my fault and something I have done wrong. And then spend the rest of the day beating myself up over it. Also I don't like being treated like dirt and lied to either. I have been there, And also don't like being lead along. 

The anxiety side means I worry over every single thing. And recently it has stopped me doing stuff. It really annoys me when people say I have nothing to worry about. I do, I have every single thing that could happen to worry about. I need to plan before I do stuff and when things don't go to plan I panic. I've written a post before about how my anxiety affects me. Recently it is over travelling and going to places on my own.  I want people to know how hard it is. Social anxiety is hard, And I have panic attacks. I need to be close to home where I feel safe. 

When I'm having a really down time, I sometimes find it hard to do stuff, Like getting dressed, But it does not mean I am lazy. It just means I don't have the motivation or energy to do it. Please don't call me lazy because that hurts me and makes me feel worse. I also feel bad when you comment on how long I spend in bed. Sometimes that for me is where I feel safe. And sometimes I just need my own space and the peace and quiet. So if I am in my room just leave me be. 

It is hard having depression, people sometimes think I do it for attention. I don't. Having this is the last thing I wish for anyone. It is horrible. Why would I do it for attention? I have anxiety, Attention is the last thing I want. So please think before you speak.

I also find it hard having conversations, and approaching people. I am always worrying about what they will say or think about me. So if I don't come and make conversation with you, don't think I am being rude. I'm not 

My IBS and food allergies

Today's post is a little different. Alongside my depression and anxiety. I also suffer with IBS and stomach problems. I have to be really careful what I eat, As I can get flare up's within an hour of eating. It is difficult in my new job as we are allowed food at the end of the dinnertime and I always feel really bad turning food down but I cannot risk eating something that will make me ill. The pain is awful and I get really bloated and have really bad diarrhoea. 

I am on codeine for it and Buscopan. But sometimes that is not enough and I also take probiotics. The pain is so bad some days I just want to curl into a ball. I find a hot water bottle or heat pad helps too. 

The main things I cannot have are Oats, Onions, White bread, Coffee, Spicy foods. I miss eating porridge(GF one is not as nice) I really miss ready brek(Wish they would do a GF version it might taste better than Free from porridge). I also miss flapjack and I miss eating normal pizza. I don't like gluten free pizza bases they taste like cardboard. Also why is Gluten free food so expensive? It is crazy money. I cannot afford to go completely Gluten free so I just have the porridge and also either Soya Milk or Lactose free milk.

I also really like drinking peppermint tea as I find that helps me too. It helps if I get acid reflux too, it helps with the sickness feeling. And bloating, some days I look pregnant. 

I also have to be so careful when I go to eat at restaurants. But yesterday I found a place near me that does the best Gluten free Pizza. So I am going to be going there again. It was yummy. Pizza hut and Mcdonald's are two places I cannot eat at. It isn't worth the pain or how ill it makes me. 

I love making gluten free bread in my bread maker though. It is harder to make than normal bread but still tastes yummy.

We have tummy problems on my dad's side of the family. Me and my brother and my dad struggle with stuff we eat. My uncle also has chrons disease and has been really poorly recently. 

If you want more information on Ibs and other stomach disorders then please click the links below.

NHS-UK

Patient Info

https://www.theibsnetwork.org/