One year almost over and a new year just around the corner.

Well 2018 is almost over. And good riddance I think. It has been a really rubbish year for me and the family. We have lost people close to us and had a lot of health scares. The only good thing to come out of 2018 for us as a family is my beautiful baby Nephew. He always makes me feel better and he is such a happy baby that you cannot feel anything but love and happiness when he is around. 

The last few months of 2018 have been really really stressful. I never thought that this year would end up being the way it has. With my mum being in hospital and all the problems she's had with her heart has been scary. It was horrible having the one person who has always been so strong and held everyone else together be so vulnerable and poorly really shook me up and I think it is going to take me a long time to get over that night and the trauma it caused. But my mum being my mum has been so strong and it is inspiring really how well she is coping with everything. I love her a lot and she will always be my rock. And she always makes me feel better when I am struggling and not doing so great. It is also times like this when you realise how much people matter. My mum's work mates have been amazing and I am lucky enough to work with them too and we have defiantly got a lot closer now.  And I also want to say how amazing the NHS are and the work they do. My mum received nothing but amazing care when she was in hospital and we are always eternally grateful. I also got amazing care when I myself ended up in A&E recently. 

Anyways looking forward to the new year and I have some goals lined up. My main one is to lose weight and get into better shape. I don't want to be a fat bridesmaid when my sister gets married and I also don't want to be the fat girl on the plane. I also need to get over my fear of flying as my sister is thinking of getting married abroad. I don't want to miss her wedding because I am so scared to fly. I know I will probably be fine but I still am really anxious about it all. 

I also want to make more of this blog and put more effort into it because I have not used it as well as I had planned and I want it to be somewhere I can just write down everything I am feeling and maybe use it to help others. I've always wanted that to be the main reason for my blog. To help others. I start counselling in Jan and I hope to maybe learn some new coping methods and also learn some advice etc so I may share my counselling and therapy journey on here. I will need an output anyways and I think blogging is going to be my way of doing it. 

I also want to make more out of my photography and maybe start adding some of my photography here. I feel like I am wasting it just by keeping them on twitter and instagram. I might start taking photos when I go to my counselling sessions and then use them in the posts I have mentioned above. Because photography is one thing I really love and I do enjoy it and I find sometimes it helps me to when I am feeling a bit stressed and a bit anxious. 

What plans do you have for 2019? Any goals you want to achieve? Let me know in the comments below. 

Anxiety and how I cope with it.

This post is about my anxiety and how I cope with it and things I use to calm myself down. And also a bit about how my Anxiety shows itself. Recently it has been quite bad and I thought I would do an up to date post on it and how I use techniques to calm myself down and what helps me and what doesn't help.

I have really bad anxiety when I am travelling. Be it on a bus or car or train. I always have to have my music with me wherever I go. I always make sure my battery is charged on my phone and I have play lists made on Spotify and iTunes that help me when I am really anxious. I find that I relax more if I listen to a certain type of music. The ones I love the most are musical theatre and classical crossover. My favourite artists to listen to are Rhydian, Collabro, G4 and Jason Manford's musical album. I find if I listen to anything more upbeat it can make my anxiety worse. 

I also have music that helps when I cannot sleep. I have one favourite and that is ocean sounds. I like the sound of the waves crashing over stones, It calms me right down and I like to think about being on a beach. 

Things I like to do when I am anxious and need to have some me time is editing photos. I also love photography, I have found recently that sunset photos are my favourite thing to photograph. I will insert some of my recent photos I have taken below. It was beautiful and I didn't want it to go dark, I could of sat there for hours. 

I also have three dogs and they help me when I am feeling really down and anxious. I love taking photos of them too. I shall insert some photos below I have taken. 

My anxiety is usually brought on by me feeling really panicky and I get really hot. I also don't like being around people. I start feeling really sick and dizzy and usually get a really bad stomach ache. I also find that I need to lay down and sleep it off. The worst one is the feeling of everyone looking at me and laughing at me, I used to get this really bad in my old job, Especially when I was eating. I didn't like anyone being near me or sitting with me when I was eating. I also find when I am really anxious I go really quiet. But my main thing which has started recently is I have to wash my hands three times. Which wasn't helping my skin and it made my hands really sore. 

I also don't like things to happen out of the blue, I need to know plans and stuff before it is going to happen. I like to know what is happening and stuff so I can plan what I need and what I want to take and if I will be in any situations I won't like. I am rubbish at theme parks as I don't like the rides so I am always bag holder. I don't like not being in control and the speed and everything makes my anxiety so bad that I forget to breathe which is never a good thing. I also don't like really big crowds. I get super panicky and it has stopped me going to London anymore since the terror attacks. I used to go to London on my own without any worries. But that is one place I won't go to anymore. I have missed out on so much good stuff due to my travel anxieties. I am determined to not let it beat me though because I have some big trips planned for this year and next year and I have so much I want to do still.