One year almost over and a new year just around the corner.

Well 2018 is almost over. And good riddance I think. It has been a really rubbish year for me and the family. We have lost people close to us and had a lot of health scares. The only good thing to come out of 2018 for us as a family is my beautiful baby Nephew. He always makes me feel better and he is such a happy baby that you cannot feel anything but love and happiness when he is around. 

The last few months of 2018 have been really really stressful. I never thought that this year would end up being the way it has. With my mum being in hospital and all the problems she's had with her heart has been scary. It was horrible having the one person who has always been so strong and held everyone else together be so vulnerable and poorly really shook me up and I think it is going to take me a long time to get over that night and the trauma it caused. But my mum being my mum has been so strong and it is inspiring really how well she is coping with everything. I love her a lot and she will always be my rock. And she always makes me feel better when I am struggling and not doing so great. It is also times like this when you realise how much people matter. My mum's work mates have been amazing and I am lucky enough to work with them too and we have defiantly got a lot closer now.  And I also want to say how amazing the NHS are and the work they do. My mum received nothing but amazing care when she was in hospital and we are always eternally grateful. I also got amazing care when I myself ended up in A&E recently. 

Anyways looking forward to the new year and I have some goals lined up. My main one is to lose weight and get into better shape. I don't want to be a fat bridesmaid when my sister gets married and I also don't want to be the fat girl on the plane. I also need to get over my fear of flying as my sister is thinking of getting married abroad. I don't want to miss her wedding because I am so scared to fly. I know I will probably be fine but I still am really anxious about it all. 

I also want to make more of this blog and put more effort into it because I have not used it as well as I had planned and I want it to be somewhere I can just write down everything I am feeling and maybe use it to help others. I've always wanted that to be the main reason for my blog. To help others. I start counselling in Jan and I hope to maybe learn some new coping methods and also learn some advice etc so I may share my counselling and therapy journey on here. I will need an output anyways and I think blogging is going to be my way of doing it. 

I also want to make more out of my photography and maybe start adding some of my photography here. I feel like I am wasting it just by keeping them on twitter and instagram. I might start taking photos when I go to my counselling sessions and then use them in the posts I have mentioned above. Because photography is one thing I really love and I do enjoy it and I find sometimes it helps me to when I am feeling a bit stressed and a bit anxious. 

What plans do you have for 2019? Any goals you want to achieve? Let me know in the comments below. 

Update on an update

Hey! It is an update on an update, Because some things have happened since. I didn't see the original counselling company I was supposed to see, I couldn't afford the price they wanted each week. It would of cost me £80 a month for half an hour every week. So I am now seeing a free one starting in January. 

My GP didn't go well, she basically told me to find a hobby and get some exercise. And my medications won't be upped or changed. So I guess it is all down to me now. I need to try fight it all myself. 

I am 35 in March and I am determined to feel better by then, I have 90 odd days to loose weight and start to feel better physically and mentally. 

So that's all really that I have to update. I am struggling still and I cannot wait for a break from work, I have 10 days left to work. I love my job but I need a break. I am super tired. I cannot wait to have some time with family. 

A little update

It's been a while since I last posted. So I thought I would do an update. It is not a positive one though as things are not great. I am having a really tough time. It's been a bit of a rough few weeks with my mum being rushed to hospital and then my mental health taking a battering. 

I have been to see someone and I have things happening and in place to get myself back to how I used to be. I think I may have some sort of PTSD but I obviously have not had it diagnosed. I am finding falling asleep hard and then that leads to me being really tired. And I have no energy at all. I just want to spend every day all day asleep. I am also not eating great and I have lost a stone in weight since my mum got rushed to hospital. I know I need to lose weight and I am happy but it isn't the right way of doing it. 

I am back into counselling and have my first appointment on Thursday with the same ones I saw about three years ago. Sadly not the same therapist but I am OK with it. I know it is what I need to do. 

It's times like this though that really help you find who is a friend and who isn't. I have had some lovely support and also some not so great support but it's fine. The ones who didn't care have gone. 

I shall update you all again in a week or so and let you know how counselling went and what has been said. I see my doctor next week as well and my medication may be upped. It's all gone wrong since a doctor changed my dose to 15mg from 30mg without consulting my doctor. 

Battle(A poem)

It's been a really stressful and exhausting and emotional week and I don't really have the energy or am I in the right mindset to think of anything at the moment to post. So I didn't want the blog to go unloved so I wrote this and I think it sums up how I am feeling at the moment. 

I say goodnight and turn off the lights

Hoping the demons don’t come out to play

I close my eyes to sleep but the voices in my head scream no

It’s like I’m running from the evil

But it’s dark and I fall down 

I’m screaming so loud 

But it’s just a silent whisper 

It’s a battle I keep trying to win

But my sword won’t protect me 

My shield slips and it’s a stab in my back

While the pain rushes out my chest 

And the screams turn deadly silent 

That nightmare I’m living 

Where I’m stuck and alone

While everyone around me keeps running further away 

It’s a chaotic mess that needs cleaning 

But you can’t find the end or beginning 

So that pile keeps on building 

And the ache just keeps on hurting

It’s like a story with no happy ending 

Just a messed up little fairytale 

But the princess doesn’t meet her prince

And the tears don’t stop falling 

In Music We Trust

Today's blog post is about an amazing guy I follow on twitter who is doing a fabulous thing for mental health by using his love for music and also having depression to raise money for @MindCharity by running his own clothing company and donating 50% of profit made on any sale to @MindCharity. 

I came across Aiden Hatfield and In Music We Trust a couple of years ago when my own mental health was not fantastic. We got chatting and I watched a couple of his live streams and I then ordered some wristbands from his site. 

I still follow Aiden now and he always knows how to brighten someones day with his twitter. And I want to order some more clothing items from IMWT when I have some more money. 


Anyways here is some more information about the charity and website and where you can find Aiden and the other info you may need. 

IMWTCLOTHING  Here is the link to Aiden's website and where you can find out a little bit more and also order from the website and help donate 50% towards Mind Charity and help others in need of Mental Health support and advice. They currently have a promotion on where you can get a free Tote Bag on orders over £30. They stock everything from Tote bags to T shirts and everything in between.

Aiden's twitter is @AidenHatfield here he does a weekly livestream that you can tune into and he chats about mental health and depression and sometimes plays guitar. 

@Imwtclothing is the twitter for the website, Come check it out and tag yourselves in photos of you wearing the clothing. Aiden loves to see people wearing the apparel.

Here are just a couple of photos of the items you can order. I love my wristbands and wear them all the time. And I am hopefully going to order the t shirt above when I have the spare money as I love it. And I am all for the fact that 50% gets donated to Mind Charity as I have used them in the past for advice and help with my own mental health. 

Dear Family and friends

This post is a letter to everyone that knows me, It is what I want people to know about my mental health.


Dear family friends and everyone in between 

This is a letter to you. To the ones who have known me forever, the ones who have not known me very long and everyone else in between. I have depression and anxiety. I have had it since 2008. And this is everything I want you to know, The good and the bad sides. 

Firstly I want you to know is that even though I have these conditions it does not make me MENTAL or contagious. It just means my brain works different to yours. I am not dangerous or a risk to anyone other than myself. I am not crazy, Just a bit different. I won't harm you or cause you any pain or injury. So don't treat me like I will. The worst thing you can do is cut me off. I have anxiety already and making yourself distant can really upset me and I have lost so called friends over this before. Also I can sometimes be difficult but this is part of the problems I have so be patient with me and it will all be OK in the future.

I can be emotional and clingy. But that is because I am scared I will loose you. If you mean a lot to me I can become attached easily and I hate the feeling of those close to me becoming distant. I also don't like when friends cancel on me. Because then I feel like it is my fault and something I have done wrong. And then spend the rest of the day beating myself up over it. Also I don't like being treated like dirt and lied to either. I have been there, And also don't like being lead along. 

The anxiety side means I worry over every single thing. And recently it has stopped me doing stuff. It really annoys me when people say I have nothing to worry about. I do, I have every single thing that could happen to worry about. I need to plan before I do stuff and when things don't go to plan I panic. I've written a post before about how my anxiety affects me. Recently it is over travelling and going to places on my own.  I want people to know how hard it is. Social anxiety is hard, And I have panic attacks. I need to be close to home where I feel safe. 

When I'm having a really down time, I sometimes find it hard to do stuff, Like getting dressed, But it does not mean I am lazy. It just means I don't have the motivation or energy to do it. Please don't call me lazy because that hurts me and makes me feel worse. I also feel bad when you comment on how long I spend in bed. Sometimes that for me is where I feel safe. And sometimes I just need my own space and the peace and quiet. So if I am in my room just leave me be. 

It is hard having depression, people sometimes think I do it for attention. I don't. Having this is the last thing I wish for anyone. It is horrible. Why would I do it for attention? I have anxiety, Attention is the last thing I want. So please think before you speak.

I also find it hard having conversations, and approaching people. I am always worrying about what they will say or think about me. So if I don't come and make conversation with you, don't think I am being rude. I'm not 

Anxiety and how I cope with it.

This post is about my anxiety and how I cope with it and things I use to calm myself down. And also a bit about how my Anxiety shows itself. Recently it has been quite bad and I thought I would do an up to date post on it and how I use techniques to calm myself down and what helps me and what doesn't help.

I have really bad anxiety when I am travelling. Be it on a bus or car or train. I always have to have my music with me wherever I go. I always make sure my battery is charged on my phone and I have play lists made on Spotify and iTunes that help me when I am really anxious. I find that I relax more if I listen to a certain type of music. The ones I love the most are musical theatre and classical crossover. My favourite artists to listen to are Rhydian, Collabro, G4 and Jason Manford's musical album. I find if I listen to anything more upbeat it can make my anxiety worse. 

I also have music that helps when I cannot sleep. I have one favourite and that is ocean sounds. I like the sound of the waves crashing over stones, It calms me right down and I like to think about being on a beach. 

Things I like to do when I am anxious and need to have some me time is editing photos. I also love photography, I have found recently that sunset photos are my favourite thing to photograph. I will insert some of my recent photos I have taken below. It was beautiful and I didn't want it to go dark, I could of sat there for hours. 

I also have three dogs and they help me when I am feeling really down and anxious. I love taking photos of them too. I shall insert some photos below I have taken. 

My anxiety is usually brought on by me feeling really panicky and I get really hot. I also don't like being around people. I start feeling really sick and dizzy and usually get a really bad stomach ache. I also find that I need to lay down and sleep it off. The worst one is the feeling of everyone looking at me and laughing at me, I used to get this really bad in my old job, Especially when I was eating. I didn't like anyone being near me or sitting with me when I was eating. I also find when I am really anxious I go really quiet. But my main thing which has started recently is I have to wash my hands three times. Which wasn't helping my skin and it made my hands really sore. 

I also don't like things to happen out of the blue, I need to know plans and stuff before it is going to happen. I like to know what is happening and stuff so I can plan what I need and what I want to take and if I will be in any situations I won't like. I am rubbish at theme parks as I don't like the rides so I am always bag holder. I don't like not being in control and the speed and everything makes my anxiety so bad that I forget to breathe which is never a good thing. I also don't like really big crowds. I get super panicky and it has stopped me going to London anymore since the terror attacks. I used to go to London on my own without any worries. But that is one place I won't go to anymore. I have missed out on so much good stuff due to my travel anxieties. I am determined to not let it beat me though because I have some big trips planned for this year and next year and I have so much I want to do still. 

My own sexuality

Hey! As it is Pride month. I thought I would do a post about my own Sexuality. I don't really see myself as being under labels. I love people for who they are. I have dated men and women. Though my best relationships were with women and I feel different kissing a women feels right.
I don't feel as if I need a label to define who I am. I also love Pride and everything it stands for. I am going to be attending my 2nd pride this year. I cannot wait it has such an amazing feeling and atmosphere. It is one day where you can be comfortable being yourself.
My first proper relationship where I felt comfortable and it felt right was with my ex girlfriend. It just felt right, Holding her hand in public and kissing her in public felt right. I always felt really awkward with my ex boyfriend. I don't know if it was because he wasn't comfortable with it. But I have experienced homophobic abuse, Once on a bus me and my girlfriend at the time got on and the man behind us made a comment about my girlfriend being a man. I told him no she's a women and my girlfriend, But it should not of been that way. I guess for the older generations it isn't something that they can always feel comfortable around.
I never ever came out at my old job and I never really feel comfortable telling my boss or workmates either unless it is mentioned. I am not ashamed of who I am but I don't really know what to class myself as. My old work friend said Agender but I don't know. I love a person for who they are, not for there gender.
My family know that I have dated both and I am really lucky that they are supportive. It is actually really nice and I know not everyone is so lucky.

Grief and my experiences

 

Grief is a multifaceted response to loss, particularly to the loss of someone or something that has died, to which a bond or affection was formed. 

Today's post is all about Grief. And the experiences I have had with it. Not an easy subject to talk about for me right now as I am struggling with accepting a friend's death. But I feel that the only way I can accept it is to blog and share how I feel with you all. 

I have lost a few really special people to me in my life. I think my first proper loss was when a school friend passed away when she was 13. Her sister was in my year and in my friendship group and it affected us all really hard. I think though back then I didn't really know what death was. Or how I was supposed to feel. I remember not going to her funeral because I was too scared to say goodbye and I didn't want to remember her like that. I remember my best friend at the time went and she came back so upset she had to go home. I didn't want that to happen. I wanted to remember her as she was when she was alive.

The next death I remember happened when I was 18 and I lost my granddad to cancer. I got the call at college to say he was dying and I just remember feeling the biggest feeling of being numb and just wanting the world to stop. I saw him the night before he died so I did get to say goodbye, And the funeral was horrible I remember crying loads. And just feeling like life was so unfair, and that it was very final. I still got really upset seeing his grave for many years afterwards. Death is so final. But I am spiritual and I know it is never ever goodbye. We will see each other again one day when the time comes.

The next death affected me a lot different and I struggled with it for a really long time. My cousin died when she was 31. From cancer again. Her death hit me really hard as I saw her the day before she passed away. She died from complications from the cancer. Completely unexpected. A heart attack due to fluid around her heart. I think the fact she had a year old daughter also really hurt me too. I found her death so hard that I had to have time off work and stay with a friend so I could have a break and just be away from everything. It was so hard. Also it was my first cremation and I never ever want to go to another one of those. The minute the curtains opened and her coffin went into those curtains I cried harder than I ever cried before. I think this death was when my depression got really bad. I couldn't accept that she was gone. But I remember the day we cremated her that the sun shone and it was really hot and I got a sun tan. I think that was her looking down on us all. 

Then the next big death was my sister in law's mum again from cancer. Another funeral where I cried the whole way through the service. But she really was an incredible lady and her death hit us all so so hard. 

My friend Paul's death was really hard too. I still cannot accept it now and I don't know if I ever will. He was not expected to die. Healthy and a pharmacist It was so unexpected. I knew he had a chest infection but I never ever expected him to die from Sepsis. I never got to say goodbye to him, and we were really close friends. I still struggle to accept he has gone now and it will be two years in November. I got really depressed around the time he died. I miss him so much. I miss his caring side and when he tried teaching me Chinese. He really was an amazing man I do sometimes feel him around me. Especially when I get signs. I will see him again one day. I like to think he is beside me looking out for me and beside me every day. 

How my anxiety affects me.

I have social and generalised anxiety. I worry about everything! Social anxiety is my worst one, I really struggle with this. Recently it has stopped me going to stuff and doing stuff that I have really wanted to do. I find if I am going alone, I usually end up not doing it or not going. But I have decided that I cannot let it beat me. So I have booked two events, One this year and means travelling on my own. And one next year which also means travelling. 

I am going to post how it affects me and signs and symptoms I get. I really struggle sometimes and people don't always understand. I think that they just think I am being awkward and difficult but I am really not. I just want to run away and hide. It is not easy having social anxiety and it makes me sometimes apparently appear rude and obnoxious. 

First way it affects me is I go really quiet. And I get really hot and sweaty. I am on medication that is supposed to stop this, Then I get the chest pains which sometimes can be really painful and palpitations. Then I get the thoughts that something is going to go wrong or happen. I find this always happens when I am going to gigs, or events. I get myself so worked up that I usually want to cancel. Recently that happened to me when I was going to a concert and I came so close to cancelling. I actually had a panic attack in my room before. 

Another thing I struggle with is eating in public and in front of people I don't know. I used to really struggle with this in my canteen at my old work. We used to eat with management and the other people working there, I used to sit with my headphones in and try sit on my own far away from other people. I know sometimes it looks like I am being difficult with this but I get major panicky and I really struggle, I don't know if this stems from secondary school where I would have food thrown at me. Usually it is only me that this affects as I don't really go out with people I am not comfortable around. And my friends are used to it now, I am also super clumsy too and drop food down myself a lot. 

I also have another thing that I get where if I am really anxious I find myself having to wash my hands three or four times in a row. It made my skin really bad recently and I had to tell people it was because I was using hand gel too much. Another thing is I have to check and double check myself. This is more if I am travelling. I have to check my route and I have to double check times etc. I don't like delays or things being late or having to change plans. So when my train is delayed it really gets me panicky and worked up and it does stop me travelling sometimes. 

Also when I am away I always get super homesick and I hate being away from home so much. I always worry something is going to happen when I am away and I don't have anyone that can help. I found this to be the case recently when I ended up getting injured on a train journey. I couldn't find any staff to get first aid from. And I ended up with a swollen hand and being in a lot of pain, and it ruined the evening I was going too because I was in pain and I just wanted to be home with my mum and to be safe. 

I also don't like being home alone. I have to lock the doors especially at night. It is a little bit better now we have the dogs and they bark at even the slightest noise(but that then makes me really jumpy). 

I also HATE using the telephone at all. I really struggle with making phone calls to anyone that is not family. It makes me feel really sick and my heart beats 1000 times a minute. I also don't answer phone calls unless I know who it is. It makes ringing for doctor appointments really difficult. 

Which leads me to another thing that I struggle with and that is waiting rooms and seeing a doctor. Luckily I have my Doctor I see now and she is brilliant, but if I have to see anyone else I really get panicky. I have had the same doctor for a few years now and we have a good doctor patient relationship and she understands me and I always make sure I try get an appointment with her every single time because she listens and gives me the time to explain. But if I am struggling I make sure I write down what is bothering me. 

And my last one is I always have to have my headphones with me if I am alone or going out on my own. My therapist always laughed because I would have my music on. I find my love of musical theatre especially helps with calming my anxieties down when I am travelling. I also don't like the supermarkets. They give me huge anxiety especially if I get separated from my mum and dad. I get proper anxiety over it. I think that stems from when I got lost in our town when I was 4 years old.

Does anyone have any good tips for anxiety? 

The media and the effect it has on body image these days

Today's post is all about body image and how the media gives the wrong ideas to teenage girls. I hate buying the magazines these days, they always seem to have the latest diet fad advertised, And they always focus on celebrities and the size they are. Are they too skinny or too fat. As a plus size girl that struggles with her body and has been in the past picked on because of her size I find it difficult to read some days. 

I also have had experience of how eating disorders can wreck someone's life. These days teenagers have enough to deal with, pressure to be perfect, get perfect grades and fit in that they don't need body image to have to cope with as well. I also think that by not using plus size models is so wrong too because not everyone is a size 10 and it should be shown that you can be plus sized and beautiful.

I find programmes like Love Island and Towie also do not help. It is girls with skinny bodies showing off there toned perfect stomach in a bikini. And the men have perfect toned, tanned muscle clad bodies and they don't have contestants with plus size bodies because it does not look good for the show.

 I also find Slimming world and weight watchers can be hard too. I tried slimming world and I gave it up because I didn't like the fact my weight loss was announced to a group of people I don't really know. It knocked my confidence and I struggled so bad with my anxiety. I am going to start doing it again but at home where the only person who would know my weight loss or gain is me and my mum.

 I think that also having pop stars who do interviews about there weight loss on TV gives off the wrong ideas too. Lots of teenage girls and young women/men watch it especially shows like Lorraine and This Morning. I don't want the fact you have to be "thin" to be pushed in my face and that you have to look a certain way to be "Perfect"

I love that brands like Simply be use Plus size girls. And it makes me feel a little bit better, especially if they have stretch marks and cellulite on show, It does help me think that my body is OK and I don't have to be skinny and a size 10.

Let the haters hate!

I receive hate like everyone else probably does on line. Usually it does not bother me. But due to my anxiety and depression, Sometimes it does get to me, I received some the other day from a grown adult male. And it got to me. I was told to go and put a mask on because I was ugly. And at the moment I am struggling with my body issues. And his comment got to me. Along with already feeling pretty rubbish anyway it really got me down. But today it's a new day and I just have to accept that he probably has his own insecurities. And he couldn't even have a profile photo, so he is a troll.

I need to learn to just let stupid comments go and just laugh them off. Like Jessie J sings "Let the haters hate" they have there own sad lives and problems and probably don't have a job. So spend the day and night sending hate to others to try and make themselves feel better.

My IBS and food allergies

Today's post is a little different. Alongside my depression and anxiety. I also suffer with IBS and stomach problems. I have to be really careful what I eat, As I can get flare up's within an hour of eating. It is difficult in my new job as we are allowed food at the end of the dinnertime and I always feel really bad turning food down but I cannot risk eating something that will make me ill. The pain is awful and I get really bloated and have really bad diarrhoea. 

I am on codeine for it and Buscopan. But sometimes that is not enough and I also take probiotics. The pain is so bad some days I just want to curl into a ball. I find a hot water bottle or heat pad helps too. 

The main things I cannot have are Oats, Onions, White bread, Coffee, Spicy foods. I miss eating porridge(GF one is not as nice) I really miss ready brek(Wish they would do a GF version it might taste better than Free from porridge). I also miss flapjack and I miss eating normal pizza. I don't like gluten free pizza bases they taste like cardboard. Also why is Gluten free food so expensive? It is crazy money. I cannot afford to go completely Gluten free so I just have the porridge and also either Soya Milk or Lactose free milk.

I also really like drinking peppermint tea as I find that helps me too. It helps if I get acid reflux too, it helps with the sickness feeling. And bloating, some days I look pregnant. 

I also have to be so careful when I go to eat at restaurants. But yesterday I found a place near me that does the best Gluten free Pizza. So I am going to be going there again. It was yummy. Pizza hut and Mcdonald's are two places I cannot eat at. It isn't worth the pain or how ill it makes me. 

I love making gluten free bread in my bread maker though. It is harder to make than normal bread but still tastes yummy.

We have tummy problems on my dad's side of the family. Me and my brother and my dad struggle with stuff we eat. My uncle also has chrons disease and has been really poorly recently. 

If you want more information on Ibs and other stomach disorders then please click the links below.

NHS-UK

Patient Info

https://www.theibsnetwork.org/

Fresh air always helps me feel better

Today's post is all about one of my new favourite places to go when I feel a bit rubbish. I only discovered it on Tuesday. But it has become one of my favourite places in Cornwall. 

(My best friend, this will always be a favourite photo)

Basically last Sunday/Monday was a bit of a let down mentally for me. I was hugely delayed on my journey and it just ruined the whole weekend for me. And I got to my accommodation and it was horrible. So I ended up having a massive panic attack before I got to the venue for the show I was going too and I just wanted to run away. Let's just say I could not wait to go home. And the journey back on the Monday was not much better. But my best friend picked me up on Tuesday evening and took me too West Pentire in Newquay Cornwall. We went to see the Poppy fields. And watch the sunset. I love poppies and I took my camera along. So I am going to share some photos with you that I took, I hope you enjoy them.

I am back and an explanation and update

Hey! long time no see. I feel so bad but my laptop broke and I have not been able to blog, But my lovely sister ordered me a new laptop and it arrived today. So normal service will resume. I hopefully have a guest blog post coming soon. And I do have loads of ideas of new posts I want to put up. I am  now going to give my all to this blog. I want to help people and inspire those, And become a proper blogger. I also want to start using my photography skills on here too. 

Since I last posted, I have become an Auntie to my nephew Elwin. He is now nearly 3 months old and I adore him! He is such a happy smiley cute chunky monkey. And I have also got a new job. I am now a catering assistant in a primary school. I left Primark at the start of June. I love my new job and it has given me back more time. I also now have my weekends back.

Left behind

Just something I wrote, I am feeling a bit down and left behind by people who claim to be friends. I find writing helps when I don't have any other way of getting out what I feel. It's also another distraction for my self harming.(I am almost 4 months clean). If you like this let me know and I will post more up as I do them. Thanks for reading.

I’ve been that girl

Always picked last

Never good enough 

Spotlight never on my face

Told me my dreams won’t come to life

Coz you don’t deserve the best alright 

Treated like dirt, the blood upon my face 

I’ve walked away to save grace

Always trying to win the race 

Spend hours on her face 

But the reflections don’t hide the pain 

Coz I’m never gonna be the girl with supermodel status 

 Just the a warrior with a scar

Who you belittle from afar 

I’m Stronger than any of you 

Coz I’ve got a battle I’m fighting too 

Never looks in a mirror coz she’s scared of what she’ll see

Hides her scars under her sleeves 

Whilst remembering to breathe 

Coz tonight might be her last 

This battle she cannot win 

Her army all dead and bleedin 

Kati Morton

Hey

Today's post is all about a Youtube star I have followed for a long time. She's from the USA and has a mental health channel. Kati Morton is a Therapist and posts videos with advice and things to help us with Mental Health conditions. She also does a weekly YouNow where she goes live and does a chat and giveaways. 

Kati Morton's Youtube channel

Kati also runs a website where you can go and chat to other Kinions. And find links to Kati's video's and advice. Here is the link to Kati's website

Kati also has a patreon account which helps her be able to make the videos and the content needed to do videos. Being a Kinion also has benefits, You get entered into giveaways and a raffle. And you also get extra video content and Kati personally answers questions from her patreon members too. And you also get a mention on the videos on youtube. Kati Morton's Patreon 

You can also contact Kati on her twitter @Katimorton and over on facebook too under the same name.

Kati cannot always reply to you straight away so if you or someone you know is in crisis please contact the Samaritans or a doctor as soon as possible.